Hello soul friends,
I wrote this draft back in January/February when my Miami apartment was overflowed with boxes and a long list of to-do's stared back at me. If you follow me on IG (@vivianamespinosa), you already know I made it to New York. Still, I thought it would be worth opening up about my emotional stage back then. Lesson; enjoy every step, every tear, every emotion. Time will pass and the memories will fade. In my heart, I take every small step with me.
I just realized, while venting on the phone with a friend, that I only write after the storm has passed. This is exactly where I sit today, in the middle of transitions. I have been missing in action for the past 2 months immersed in the process of making life-changing decisions. Sounds dramatic, right?
For a teen immigrant, the process of separating from your mother, family members, and friends is dramatic enough. I immigrated back in 2002 from a country where access to my mother and the parts of my teen Self was very limited to none. I was uprooted by decisions made outside of me and planted here in Miami. Decisions I am grateful for every single day. Now, almost 20 years later, I am making a conscious decision to uproot yet again and move to New York. I will eventually write about my reasons and motivation. To be honest I am following my intuition. Scary, right?
How do I feel? I am riding an emotional wave; a wave I have very little control over. Yes, I show up every morning and do the work. Meditate, journal, ask for assistance from my guides, connect with my soul tribe, and ground myself. I knew this phase was coming. The emotions we fight against and push to the side. The problem is when your mission is to assist others understand and process their emotions, yours will continue to show up to test you. The easiest way to explain it is. How can I assist you to understand and heal from pain, frustration, separation, anxiety, lack of self-love, and self-worth if I have never felt it myself?
Am I hopeful? Yes, I am. I have no doubt this phase will pass and the purpose behind this move will become clearer and clearer. Doors have opened, magical people have shown up to assist, and opportunities have aligned. In my heart, there is only gratitude and a deep sense of humbleness. I ask for the Universe to take it easy on me (channeling my inner Adele). I am showing up and this is only the beginning. I am here, I am safe, and I am loved unconditionally. And so it is.
Happy Healing!
See you next time.
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